"that's the best revenge of all: happiness. nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone else have a good fucking life." -chuck palahniukyes, I realize this is morbid, and sounds a little crazy, but give me the benefit of the doubt: this author is known for writing crazy, messed up, outrageous stories. However, recently I have noticed that as my life gets more and more hectic, and I get busier and busier, which in turn makes me more unhappy and lonely, every single person that crosses my path looks happy, has a great life situation at the moment, and seems to have his or her entire life together. Why is my life so crazy in comparison? Is it even? Are others hiding things that I can't see?
I have been working like a crazy person, taking calculus II, transferring schools and all the while trying to maintain, have, and work on relationships with those close to me, and having a social life. I have been told in the past that i am great at keeping my private life and concerns to myself, I don't really let my feelings, worries, and problems show, unless it is to a select group of people. It is something I pride myself on, I like not being that girl that bitches about her problems to everyone I meet, but on the other hand I have to think, how many people that walk in and out of my life as happy people are really, genuinely happy?
If not everyone I run into is actually happy, what is wrong with the world? I would love to sit here and write that my life is so hard, and I had an awful growing up and nothing ever goes right for me, but those would all be crazy lies. I have a great life, and I have always had a great life. I grew up in a loving family and for as long as I remember I have had quite a cushy lifestyle. Yes, my life is hard, but in relation to other people, many others do have it so much worse than I have it. and for the most part, anything I want and I work hard for and I put my mind to I get. I have never walked into something and had a doubt that i would make it in, or get the answer right, or get shut down. It is some kind of confidence that my whole family has because of the upbringing. Which brings me to my next question, with all of that being said about my life, why am I so unhappy? is it a biological thing really? fight vs flight instincts? or am I lying to myself thinking that my life is so much harder than I think it is. It's hard to say, but I don't think I will ever know.
thank you, chuck, for pointing out what contributes to my unhappiness...the happiness of others which i realize is SO messed up for me to think. but also, thank you for teaching me how to torture someone else that has tortured me for too long this past year.
if you get a chance...read these books:
Fight Club
Choke
Diary
all by chuckp.
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