has anyone ever wished there was a guide for relationships? maybe a referee with a rule book always in hand? there is no one there to step in and call an "annoyance" or a "below the belt comment" and give a yellow or red card to the person that performed the foul. I am not just referring to romantic relationships, but family and friend relationships as well. When a friend comes to me in need how do I know what to say? I wish there was a dictionary of problems friends could have and the appropriate responses to each. How do I not sound harsh but let them know the truth and still be soft and comforting because I really care about them? Where is the guy in the striped shirt to make the call and help me help them?
all these wondering thoughts are just a further explanation that people just want what they don't have. my hair is short now, but I want it to be long, when my hair is long I just want to cut it. I want to be in a relationship then once I am in one I constantly second guess what is going on. My friends have problems and I want to say the right things to them but then I just want them to help me. I realize this makes me sound selfish and self centered, but seriously, who isn't? There is always a place of self obsession in each and every person. The guy I am in love with has a girlfriend, the guy that's in love with me I turn away from. Why is the human brain all about second guessing? I want something to help me figure out what and who i want, and what and who is right for me. Who are my true friends? who do I trust with everything? People say that one cannot love others without loving themselves, I find it so hard to decide how truthful this is. I sometimes find myself working so hard to care fully in someone else because I cannot see the one hundred percent happiness in myself.
is everything in life an act? are we staging all relationships? At my college having solid family relationships is the accepted behavior. I do honestly have solid family relationships but how can about 4000 students ALL have great relationships with his or her family? How many of these relationships are staged? What about friends, how many people will fake being something they aren't to get in with a certain crowd? is it all a learning experience? I have no idea who I am now, who i am supposed to be in the future, or who i ever was. My view of life is like a textbook, a really long textbook. each year is a new chapter in the textbook of our lives, I constantly learn new lessons and look back, the index to my life textbook has so many different moments that can refer back to one simple lesson that I admittedly still have not learned fully. How long and how many times do I have to get hurt before I can fully learn something and it sinks in?
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
what is one supposed to actually write on here?
In reality, I have nothing to say to the world. Today, I made a big discovery, how to add people to "follow" on the blog news feed type thing. So far, I'm following my best friend, my brother, and creepily my brothers best friend....
After spending so much time thinking about school, doing work, studying, and all that crap it is nice to be able to sit down and expend my thoughts on no one. I'm not sure if anyone is following me, I guess i shouldn't talk crap about anyone on here, just kidding.
Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and I am really excited to be going home and seeing family and old friends from high school. These last few weeks have been a little crazy with the amount of chemistry flowing in and out of my brain everyday. If i'm overwhelmed now, i can't imagine what the rest of my life is going to be like.
I'm not really sure what else to write, I have nothing else on my mind that I can clarify in words that won't come out wrong.
namaste.
After spending so much time thinking about school, doing work, studying, and all that crap it is nice to be able to sit down and expend my thoughts on no one. I'm not sure if anyone is following me, I guess i shouldn't talk crap about anyone on here, just kidding.
Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and I am really excited to be going home and seeing family and old friends from high school. These last few weeks have been a little crazy with the amount of chemistry flowing in and out of my brain everyday. If i'm overwhelmed now, i can't imagine what the rest of my life is going to be like.
I'm not really sure what else to write, I have nothing else on my mind that I can clarify in words that won't come out wrong.
namaste.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
is my life a racemic mixture?
Well, as you can probably tell, I have an organic chemistry exam in the morning. It is just so much fun, except not at all. This class is killing me, it is so time consuming, and I work so hard, and yet my grade does not reflect that.
a racemic mixture is a mixture of the (+) and (-) enantiomers of a chiral substance.
i realize that is definitely something hard to comprehend, trust me, it's hard to me as well.
Can this be applied in real life though?
If my life is a racemic mixture there will be an equal amount of positive and negative ideas, experiences, and moments. If that is the case why can I only focus on the negative enantiomers of life?
enantiomers of chiral substances are mirror images of each other, like hands. but anyone can take an enantiomer and make it a diastereomer. A diastereomer are non mirror images. You can make an enantiomer into a diastereomer by switching a wedge or a dash into the opposite. I realize that pictures would make this exponentially easier to explain, but just try and imagine. imagine taking something that is sticking out at you and make it stick the other way. that is switching a wedge to a dash and vice versa.
now that it may be a little clearer as to the terminology I can get back to the point of the blog. can my enantiomers of life be changed to diastereomers? and if so, will that take the (-) enantiomers (the negative thoughts and experiences) and make them positive? There is something in organic chemistry called optical rotation, and a positive enantiomer has a the same optical rotation as a negative enantiomer except one value is positive and the other is negative. If life is the optical rotation, does that mean we see the same thing in a positive and negative experience but on complete opposite sides of the spectrum? I see that all of these ideas are so far fetched but I guess that is what happens when you are locked in the library for hours studying organic chemistry.
if i was applying these ideas to my life, it means that i can change my negative experiences to positive ones by altering one small thing. I can see this being directly applied to my life. It seems that many of the relationships i have been in that were so positive would change to be so negative when one thing was said or done by either party. my relationships have been diastereomers ! crazy thought.
Back to the racemic mixture aspect of my life. I see so many negative enantiomers that I am not giving myself the chance to see the optical rotation of the positive enantiomers. I believe that there are equal if not more positive enantiomers to each and every persons life, but it is just a matter of setting up the apparatus and seeing the optical rotation of them.
namaste, and hoping for an A!
a racemic mixture is a mixture of the (+) and (-) enantiomers of a chiral substance.
i realize that is definitely something hard to comprehend, trust me, it's hard to me as well.
Can this be applied in real life though?
If my life is a racemic mixture there will be an equal amount of positive and negative ideas, experiences, and moments. If that is the case why can I only focus on the negative enantiomers of life?
enantiomers of chiral substances are mirror images of each other, like hands. but anyone can take an enantiomer and make it a diastereomer. A diastereomer are non mirror images. You can make an enantiomer into a diastereomer by switching a wedge or a dash into the opposite. I realize that pictures would make this exponentially easier to explain, but just try and imagine. imagine taking something that is sticking out at you and make it stick the other way. that is switching a wedge to a dash and vice versa.
 |
| The top OH is on a wedge, and the side OH substituent is a dash, one goes forward and the other back... |
now that it may be a little clearer as to the terminology I can get back to the point of the blog. can my enantiomers of life be changed to diastereomers? and if so, will that take the (-) enantiomers (the negative thoughts and experiences) and make them positive? There is something in organic chemistry called optical rotation, and a positive enantiomer has a the same optical rotation as a negative enantiomer except one value is positive and the other is negative. If life is the optical rotation, does that mean we see the same thing in a positive and negative experience but on complete opposite sides of the spectrum? I see that all of these ideas are so far fetched but I guess that is what happens when you are locked in the library for hours studying organic chemistry.
if i was applying these ideas to my life, it means that i can change my negative experiences to positive ones by altering one small thing. I can see this being directly applied to my life. It seems that many of the relationships i have been in that were so positive would change to be so negative when one thing was said or done by either party. my relationships have been diastereomers ! crazy thought.
Back to the racemic mixture aspect of my life. I see so many negative enantiomers that I am not giving myself the chance to see the optical rotation of the positive enantiomers. I believe that there are equal if not more positive enantiomers to each and every persons life, but it is just a matter of setting up the apparatus and seeing the optical rotation of them.
namaste, and hoping for an A!
that may have been a little dramatic....
Apparently, I have been having some emotional issues. Things people say just make me go nuts. This last time I took it out on a blog. That's never good. I like Messiah enough to put up with it, but I don't love it. I have to go now, but I will be writing more later elaborating on my many crazy Messiah driven thoughts....
Friday, November 12, 2010
Love your partner like you love yourself?
I realize that my timing for writing this is probably not preferable. I am sitting in class being lectured about "Body Image," oh, Intro to Wellness, and your Christian view of the world. Many of the things that are said are so unrealistic, and it's just sad. What struck me and inspired me to write this blog is when the lecturer stood up and said, "you must love your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, or partner, like you love yourself."
I wish i could say that everything is as simple as that. Even some of the most confident people i have come to know in my life don't love themselves fully. How can that biblical reference be applied to a self conscious, anxious, depressed society? Messiah's ideas on community and culture just amaze me. According to Messiah when it comes to body image everyone is just supposed to put issues into the hands of God. That's all well and good, but what happens the minute when we step off Messiah's campus...that is the real world and people out there do not treat Messiah students differently. I really wish that people could step out into the real world and see it as a hard, mean, place; and that it is not going to be like the snow globe of Messiah.
I grew up in a bubble. My hometown is a nice area, full of nice people, where bad things really don't happen. However, I don't feel sheltered. I have seen things. I have experienced things. There are some students at messiah that literally have never experienced anything, and probably never will.
This little movement towards experiences just reminds me of something a judge told me. He said that the reason that the drinking age is not 18, but it is 21 is because no one has "life experiences" before they turn 21. So basically, he was trying to tell me that I have experienced nothing in my life, BUT the minute I turn 21 there will be an array of life experiences flowing into me making mature and old enough to take a drink? This was a crazy concept to me. I have life experiences, I have been through a lot in my life. He doesn't know that. I really feel like this judge went to messiah and grew up in a conservative christian household. If that was the case, then he probably never had any life experience. The first experience he had was when he graduated college and went into the REAL WORLD. All in all, Messiah shelters its students and doesn't allow us to make decisions, to make mistakes. We can not learn anything if we can't decide to make a mistake.
namaste.
I wish i could say that everything is as simple as that. Even some of the most confident people i have come to know in my life don't love themselves fully. How can that biblical reference be applied to a self conscious, anxious, depressed society? Messiah's ideas on community and culture just amaze me. According to Messiah when it comes to body image everyone is just supposed to put issues into the hands of God. That's all well and good, but what happens the minute when we step off Messiah's campus...that is the real world and people out there do not treat Messiah students differently. I really wish that people could step out into the real world and see it as a hard, mean, place; and that it is not going to be like the snow globe of Messiah.
I grew up in a bubble. My hometown is a nice area, full of nice people, where bad things really don't happen. However, I don't feel sheltered. I have seen things. I have experienced things. There are some students at messiah that literally have never experienced anything, and probably never will.
This little movement towards experiences just reminds me of something a judge told me. He said that the reason that the drinking age is not 18, but it is 21 is because no one has "life experiences" before they turn 21. So basically, he was trying to tell me that I have experienced nothing in my life, BUT the minute I turn 21 there will be an array of life experiences flowing into me making mature and old enough to take a drink? This was a crazy concept to me. I have life experiences, I have been through a lot in my life. He doesn't know that. I really feel like this judge went to messiah and grew up in a conservative christian household. If that was the case, then he probably never had any life experience. The first experience he had was when he graduated college and went into the REAL WORLD. All in all, Messiah shelters its students and doesn't allow us to make decisions, to make mistakes. We can not learn anything if we can't decide to make a mistake.
namaste.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
I'm a first time blogger...
Everyday that I sign onto Facebook I see new blog posts by everyone. I never thought to start a blog all my own because I never really thought anyone would read it. If they do, I hope you enjoy. I have a lot of fun, but get a lot done in my life. I am constantly in motion, doing something, anything. I struggle like everyone, but I don't plan to put that out there. I hope that you find my life as interesting as I do.
I enjoy every aspect of my life, and I am so lucky to live the life I do. The opportunities are endless when you have the kind of support I get from family, friends, and sometimes random people that walk right into my life.
I just started my second year of college, and it is amazing. I am super busy and working really hard (being a chemistry major does that) just trying to make it through. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of fun with my amazing friends while I am here.
I don't really know what else to say except I really hope I keep this blogging thing up (maybe then my parents will see what is really going on in my life, because its 1:10 am, and I finally have a free moment to let them know what's going on, but they are definitely asleep).
peace&namaste.
I enjoy every aspect of my life, and I am so lucky to live the life I do. The opportunities are endless when you have the kind of support I get from family, friends, and sometimes random people that walk right into my life.
I just started my second year of college, and it is amazing. I am super busy and working really hard (being a chemistry major does that) just trying to make it through. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of fun with my amazing friends while I am here.
I don't really know what else to say except I really hope I keep this blogging thing up (maybe then my parents will see what is really going on in my life, because its 1:10 am, and I finally have a free moment to let them know what's going on, but they are definitely asleep).
peace&namaste.
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